First Thought

My first thought is about being too attached to people or a particular person, that you lose yourself. How? how, do we allow ourselves to get attached? We see ourselves as  strong, independent people who questions and see everything and everyone for who they are. Yet, somehow, this attachment happens with a certain person, first based on absolute love and care then manifests into dependency. This makes us question ourselves, If we were that strong and independent, how come this creation, this monster called dependency is in our lives? Sure, we all need people to love and care for but this is beyond that. When I speak of dependency, it is that feeling that somehow our worth is no longer in our own eyes but in theirs. This is not just a monster but a virus, dependency comes from some type of insecurity within ourself, and we all have them, and they manifest in different ways as a virus in our lives.

What happens when that person we put all that pressure and emotion on decides they don’t want it. They don’t want to hold our emotional burden and need. They have their own life and issues as well. Of course, the first thing that pops into our mind is, “I am not worth their love” or “they never loved me to begin with”. Although, this might be furthest from the truth it will be the loudest voice our head. A part of us knows that love and dependency are at different ends of the spectrum, yet, somehow for us, need= love. so as much as we need them, they too should need us enough not to let go.

wow, after writing that last sentence I realized something, maybe we don’t really understand love as an absolute, but as a condition. We create need to hold on to someone, and for them to hold on to us. In fear that if they don’t need us, they won’t love us?

 

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